Navigating Client Discomfort with Authenticity

Navigating Client Discomfort with Authenticity

Episode 9

Clinical Skills & Therapeutic Relationships–Podcast Episodes

Growth can be uncomfortable. But how do you know when to lean in—and when to back off?

Let’s Talk About It

When Client Discomfort in Therapy Is Part of the Process

You’re sitting with a client, exploring something meaningful, when suddenly the energy shifts.

They get quiet. Their body language changes. Maybe they laugh nervously, change the subject, or look like they’d rather be anywhere else.

Now what?

Do you gently encourage them to stay with it? Change direction? Check in? Or are you making things worse by pushing?

In Episode 9 of The Unmasked Therapist Podcast, Kim Rippy, LPC, and Kaitlyn Steel, LMFT, explore how therapists can navigate client discomfort in therapy while maintaining authenticity, emotional attunement, and trust.

Because helping clients grow doesn’t mean making them comfortable all the time. But it also doesn’t mean pushing them beyond what they can safely process.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Discomfort in Therapy

Discomfort isn’t automatically a sign that something is wrong.

Sometimes it means a client is exploring an unfamiliar emotion, challenging an old belief, or approaching something they’ve spent years avoiding.

Other times, discomfort signals that the pace is too fast, the client feels overwhelmed, or the therapeutic connection needs attention.

The difference matters.

As therapists, our responsibility isn’t simply to encourage vulnerability. It’s to recognize whether that vulnerability is happening within a relationship where the client feels supported, respected, and able to participate in the process.

What We’re Unpacking

  • Healthy vs. unhealthy discomfort: Recognizing when discomfort supports growth versus when it becomes overwhelming.
  • Emotional attunement: Reading verbal and nonverbal cues to understand a client’s experience.
  • Therapeutic pacing: Knowing when to explore further and when to slow down.
  • Authenticity and co-regulation: Using your presence to help clients navigate challenging emotions.
  • Rupture and repair: Recognizing and addressing moments when therapeutic discomfort affects the relationship.

How Can Therapists Support Clients Through Discomfort?

Rather than assuming discomfort means you should push harder—or immediately change the subject—get curious.

Notice what’s happening in the room. Check in with your client. Invite them to share what they’re experiencing.

Sometimes the most meaningful intervention is asking:

“I’m noticing this feels a little different right now. What’s happening for you?”

And sometimes it’s recognizing that your own discomfort with their discomfort is influencing how quickly you’re trying to move things along.

You don’t have to eliminate discomfort to create safety. You have to remain attuned to the person experiencing it.

Keep the Conversation Going

Enjoyed this episode? Revisit Episode 5: Presence, Limits, and Staying With Your Client, where we explore therapeutic presence, emotional attunement, and the power of staying with clients through difficult experiences.

Subscribe to The Unmasked Therapist Podcast

Meet Your Hosts

Kim Rippy, LPC, MA

Kim is a Licensed Professional Counselor, clinical supervisor, and owner of Keystone Therapy Group in Burke, Virginia. Her approach to therapy and supervision emphasizes authenticity, self-awareness, and understanding the person behind the therapist.

Kaitlyn Steel, LMFT, MS

Kaitlyn is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and clinical supervisor at Keystone Therapy Group. She brings a relational, attachment-informed perspective to conversations about therapist identity, connection, and professional growth.

Together, we’re making room for the conversations about being a therapist that don’t always happen in graduate school—or even in supervision.

Clinical Supervision That Makes Room for the Messy Stuff

At Keystone Therapy Group, we believe clinical growth happens through honest reflection, thoughtful consultation, and learning to trust yourself while remaining curious about your clients.

Explore Clinical Supervision at Keystone Therapy Group

Because you shouldn’t have to lose yourself to become a good therapist.

Read the Conversation

Episode 9 Transcript: Navigating Client Discomfort with Authenticity

Episode 9 Transcript: Navigating Client Discomfort with Authenticity

The Unmasked Therapist Podcast | Kim Rippy, LPC, and Kaitlyn Steel, LMFT

Edited for readability from automatic captions. Paragraph breaks and topic headings have been added; speaker labels are omitted because the source captions do not reliably identify each voice. This is not an audio-verified verbatim transcript.

Opening: Why Discomfort Can Be Part of Growth

They have to feel uncomfortable in order to have growth and if you are feeling some discomfort in that’s OK because that might be coming from your attunement with your client and you also have to model being able to be there with them within that discomfort. Welcome to the Unmasked Therapist Podcast, the show where we explore the heart of therapy, authenticity and connection. We are therapists from Keystone Therapy Group located in Northern. Virginia in each. Episode We’ll share stories, insights, and conversations about what it means to show up authentically for our clients. For each other and for. Ourselves.

Whether you’re a new therapist or a seasoned therapist, we’re glad you’re here. Hello everyone, welcome back to

Introducing Client Discomfort and Therapist Authenticity

the Unmasked Therapist Podcast. We are your hosts, Kim Rippy, LPC and Kaitlyn Steel, LMFT. Today we are jumping in with an episode that’s kind of piggybacks off of previous episode. We talked about previous episode being self-disclosure with your clients and we talked about how sometimes when you are disclosing to your clients, it might bring up client discomfort. So that’s that big question about how much should I self disclose? Is it going to make the client uncomfortable?

And Kaitlyn just had a great conversation with our Unmasked Therapist supervision group for residents talking about how do you lean into your own authenticity as an anchor for when you are potentially making a client uncomfortable or when a client is experiencing discomfort. Today we’re going to talk about how to navigate and how to handle when your client is feeling uncomfortable in a session. Sometimes that means a client is uncomfortable because of the topics that they’re bringing forward.

Sometimes that means we have to intentionally bring something forward with our clients that we know will likely make them feel uncomfortable. And sometimes that can be incredibly uncomfortable for us, especially as a newer therapist. So Kaitlyn and I want to discuss how obviously authenticity is our favorite topic. So we’re talking about how can you use your authenticity as an anchor for yourself when a client is feeling uncomfortable within the therapy process.

And especially when you know as the therapist potentially making your client uncomfortable about something you are bringing a topic up that they may not feel comfortable talking about. You know, that still might be healthy for them. So we’re talking about noticing when your clients are uncomfortable or experiencing discomfort within the session. How to determine whether it’s a healthy discomfort and an unhealthy discomfort for your client. And again, how to anchor yourself within your authenticity within the client

Recognizing Discomfort Through Emotional Attunement

connection that you already have with them and how to navigate that discomfort alongside your clients. So Kaitlyn, I’d love for you to share there’s some kind of backgrounds of, again, how do you recognize when a client is uncomfortable or experiencing discomfort? And then how do you determine what is healthy discomfort and unhealthy discomfort for the client? If you’re a resident therapist or early career clinician who’s craving A supervision space that feels real, not performative, this is for you. The Unmasked Therapist Clinical Supervision Group is where authenticity meets growth.

Led by Kaitlyn Steel, LMFT, and Kim Rippy, LPC, therapist at Keystone Therapy Group, this 12 week virtual group invites residents to drop the I Have It All together mask and explore the person behind the therapist. You’ll get to present real cases, receive honest feedback, and learn how to integrate your authentic self into your clinical work, all while meeting your Virginia Board of Counseling supervision hours. Groups are small, safe, and supportive. Learn more or join the wait list at keystonetherapygroup.com/supervision. Because the best therapy you give starts with the therapist you are. Yeah. That’s such a.

So the really difficult thing about this is that very often they can look the same. So if you’re just looking for behavior, if you’re looking for me to give you a look for this, look for this, look for this list, you’re going to be sorely disappointed because the true, I mean, I can, I’m going to give it to you. I’m going to kind of give some ideas. But really the true gauge of your ability to know, am I putting this client in a position where they’re in their growth edge of discomfort versus their we’re out of their window of tolerance and we’re not being helpful, right? Is are you attuned to your client?

And I also heavily lean into constantly checking in with my client. So the way that you know, a lot of this again comes from my EFT training. A lot of this comes from what I’ve learned from, you know, the amazing EFT leaders in the field. So this may look a little bit different if you practice a different model or if you look at things a little differently, but this is just how I go about it. So when I talk about attunement with your client, that is goes beyond rapport. Rapport is that we have a good relationship, you know, we can talk about hard things and it’s fine.

When you are attuned to your client, what that means is you have a really good read on who they are as a person, what they are probably experiencing internally. Like you really know this client. This would be if you imagine yourself at a now that we’re in the holidays, Thanksgiving with your significant other. And there’s that joke of like, oh, some, you know, great aunt so and so said something and you and your partner make eye contact across the table. And you both know we’re going to be talking about this later. I. Just know what you’re thinking about what they just said.

That is an example of being a attuned to another person. It’s not mind reading. I want to be very clear. It’s not mind reading, but a lot of mind reading does then tend to get come out of that and you know, unhealthy relationships or just not unhealthy, but just normal relationships. So I think that this is the huge part of the therapeutic relationship that you’re making this distinction on is we almost talk about what’s the most important thing within therapy. It’s the relationship. And so many of our quote, UN quote treatment interventions go back to I’m building rapport.

I’m building rapport building rapport or is building trust. That’s building trust within the relationship to me. Rapport within therapy is trust. There has to be a trust that goes back and forth and it’s reciprocated between client and therapist. Attunement is the client doesn’t even have to express to me how they were feeling right? Rapport is a client feel safe to tell me that something that somebody else said in their life was hurtful. Attunement is all they have to do is tell me what happened and I’m immediately I feel that. I feel what you were experiencing. You don’t have to tell me you were hurt.

I can feel your hurt. And it’s again, it’s not me like putting myself like, oh, I would be hurt. It’s no. I’m immediately so attuned to your reactions as a human, to your values, to your experiences, that I am connected with you in this moment. Yes, So you could even say something like. I know I have a pretty good idea of how that statement made you specific client feel. Absolutely. Because I know you because I’ve, we’ve really, we’ve spent that time building this relationship, but I’ve really spent this time as your therapist engaging my whole system to learn your system.

So I just want to establish that because when this is a big part of, you know, when you’re of course, you know, we’re not going to be attuned to our clients. Session number one, you can. I mean, the more you do this, the more you can kind of make like. OK, well, in general. I kind of know how most people might respond to this situation, but being attuned to your client really takes time. It takes consistently meeting with your client and things like that. So when you’re in an early stage with a client, you know that first stages of therapy intake, first few sessions.

After that, this might be a little bit more difficult to do. You might be doing a lot more what I say second, which is overtly saying and checking in with your client. What’s coming up? How did that land for you? How does this feel? As I say this, you know you’re going to be doing a lot more tuning into. I noticed their breathing changes. I noticed something, some experience emotion crossed their eyes. I couldn’t say what it was, but something changed, right? You’re going to be reading a lot of that and checking it out with the client to give them the opportunity to tell you. No, Kaitlyn, you’re completely.

Wrong, right? Yes and those are those feelings of those signs that a client is feeling discomfort in

Reading Client Cues and Checking Your Assumptions

the moment right, like you said, so yes, it is going to change client to client. Typically, at least within our society, within our culture, body language, non verbals, those tend to be for the most part consistent when somebody’s feeling uncomfortable and a lot of y’all know this right we therapists are typically intuitive people. So it’s something that you haven’t even had to study, but it’s it’s your eyes, your clients eyes are shifting away from you. Maybe their head starts to bow a little bit. Their shoulders pull in as if to protect themselves. Maybe they lean away from you.

They’re near their foot starts shaking, they’re fidgeting more than they usually would. That can show discomfort or if you notice that they’re starting to do some self soothing a hand on their chest playing with their hair, you’re noticing they’re taking some more deep breaths. Those kind of regulating signs can also show this client is uncomfortable in this moment. So when you are when you have rapport with the client, you can recognize some of these signs for them. When you’re attuned, you start to feel that discomfort alongside them, right? And again, that’s OK as long as you are also grounded I.

Think that when our clients are showing those non verbals, at least in my supervision experience, like of our supervisees and stuff, I don’t think that’s as uncomfortable as when a client verbally blocks you or doesn’t answer your questions. Those are the times where I think a lot of us get very discombobulated because I think for us, we’re like can see that your heart is not your heart, but you’re like breathing’s increasing. Like I can see these things. And typically when that’s happening, the client is not in as much of like a reactive or pushing away state.

But when you go to your client then and say, Hey, I’m noticing that, you know, your breathing has increased or even if you’re saying something like your partner, you know, if you’re in couples therapy, your partner just said this and I noticed you looked away. What’s happening for you when that client goes, Oh, I didn’t do that. I don’t know what you’re talking about. What’s no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry, I was thinking about something else.

Those verbal responses, those blocks, those like, that’s a huge sign that the client is like, I’m uncomfortable and I’m trying to not let us go in this doorway. And those are the times where it’s so important for you to match your attunement with if you’re clarifying and checking out with your client and building that courage to be

Healthy Discomfort Versus Feeling Unsafe

relentlessly pursuing their growth. Yes. So let’s let’s talk about that, right? Because that authenticity is when you are more connected to your client, that rapport is there, but also that attunement is there and you are authentically yourself. It gives your client more safety to allow themselves to be uncomfortable or for you to push them into of that discomfort. So for example, we, I’m complex trauma certified. I work with a lot of complex trauma, family complex trauma or trauma within the family unit. I don’t work with families, but trauma from family abortion.

And if I were to ask the client on day one, tell me about your relationship with your mom. And I kept pushing them. There’s no attunement. There’s no rapport. This client is going to feel uncomfortable, right? Most clients feel uncomfortable in the first session of therapy because it’s just, it’s new. It’s scary. You’re immediately talking to a stranger about the deep, dark secrets, significant things. Yeah, and you’re asking for help, right? So the clients are actually going to feel uncomfortable in the first session. If I try to push too hard, too fast, that client is going to shut down.

They’re not going to come back. It’s not a safe experience for them. That is unhealthy discomfort that you are creating for your client. And so then we go, OK, maybe session three, we’re starting to talk about treatment plans. And again, I push, maybe I have rapport built by now. Some are poor starting, but I’m not yet attuned. So the client might be a little bit more willing to talk about it because they’re feeling more safe with me. But again, it’s not a fully safe experience that is still, it’s not as unhealthy, but it’s still unhealthy to push them in that moment.

If I’ve been working for with this time for six months, we have great rapport. I’m well attuned. We have talked about maybe not this one significant event of trauma, but we’ve talked about other things. I’ve already established a sense of safety for them and likely we’ve already talked through other moments that have brought up some healthy discomfort for them. So I have that gauge of what is healthy for them and what is not. So like Kaitlyn said, we are EFT trained. Both of us are EFT trained. Kaitlyn is EFT certified therapist in EFT.

Sue Johnson, the founder of EFT, she describes it as you want to bring your client to the leading edge of what they can tolerate. She calls it the leading edge. So, and Caitlyn made a good distinction of what’s inside your window tolerance and what’s outside your window tolerance. That threshold between what’s within the window and what’s with like outside of the window is that leading edge. Sue Johnson says we should push our clients as close to that leading edge as we are able to while still keeping them on the safe side.

Because if we push them outside, that has now become unhealthy discomfort where their reflexes to keep themselves safe jumps in, protects them, shuts down. I don’t want to do this anymore. I late cancel. I no show. I’m done, right? I didn’t do anything. I didn’t roll my eyes. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Those blocking features tend to come up when we pass that leading edge. So by being attuned, we are more familiar with the patterns that the client shows us. So we can say, OK, I can push this a little bit further here, I can push a little bit further here.

It’s outside of what they’re they’re used to, but it’s not.

Pacing, Verbal Blocking, and Therapeutic Safety

Unsafe, Yeah. And I want to clarify the blocking. The verbal blocking is usually. When you’re in that. Leading edge. So that’s when you have to start being very careful of like, what am I doing? How am I doing it? Am I making this client feel safe while I’m also challenging them? I’m also encouraging them to really go up to the edge of that Cliff so we can put that next piece of the bridge down. You know, that kind of thing. I think we’ve talked about being attuned to your client. We’ve talked about really checking in and clarifying and asking if you are. On the right track.

With them giving your client the right and the autonomy to tell you when you’re wrong or when you’re off. Because this is another part that I think a lot of clinicians get really hesitant about is we feel in our system, in our body that if I like, let’s say I bring up, you know, hey, so and so client, you came in today, you’re doing OK. Nothing bad is happening. You know, you feel like you don’t really have much to talk about, but I remember this conversation we had or maybe one of your other presenting. Issues that we haven’t addressed. And it’s a pretty significant one, right?

Like maybe it’s marital problems, maybe it’s problems, you know, something that feels very significant. So if you as the clinician were to say, hey, let’s talk about this, there’s this fear of, well, I’m going to put the client in a negative headspace when they came in a positive headspace, right? I’m going to maybe force the client to talk about something because if I bring it up first then that means it’s my agenda, not theirs, right? And I think it is important to you always have to check in with yourself. Am I pushing the client too far, Right. That’s something that we always want to gauge.

And that too far is again, it’s past the leading edge. Too far doesn’t mean am I making the client uncomfortable. Therapy is uncomfortable by nature. Growth comes from discomfort, right? If we did not experience discomfort, we wouldn’t change our thoughts, behaviors, patterns. If you want to go back to CBT, right, things have to be uncomfortable to change the pattern. So therapy is a faith-based that creates or allows for that discomfort. And that’s where growth is happening. So what we’re talking about here is especially it tends to happen more with newer therapists, a residence.

We have a an aversion to making my client feel uncomfortable. Again, I think maybe it’s because it’s grad school or it’s just the human nature. We don’t like discomfort. Grad school is build rapport, build rapport, build rapport, yes, but rapport translates to again that attunement and the reasons that we have that is not so. So the client feels more comfortable talking about uncomfortable things in a safe, respectful. Space, yeah. So what you’re highlighting is that pacing of therapy, we are constantly as therapists balancing. How do I push this client to go

Supporting Growth Without Pushing Too Hard

further? Go hard, not go harder therapy. Is that exposure if like it is a muscle, it’s a practice that you have to go in and you have to work your way through? Yes, and you know, we as the therapist are here saying it’s OK to go that, to take this extra step. I am here with you. You are not alone. I’m gonna walk this with you. We’re gonna gauge this with you. You know, all of these things. But then and there’s also this other balance of especially I think in experiential therapies where and like person centered therapy, a lot of that is comes up now where we want the client to have control.

They need to be in control of their own growth and their progress. So if a client comes to you and says or comes to me and says, Kaitlyn, I do not want to talk about this topic, this subject, right? Like we want to respect that. And I’m probably going to ask what’s going on that makes this so off limits, right? We don’t have to talk about it, but help me understand why this is, this is the way it is for you, right?

And so it is hard to balance when we want to have the client lead, but then also the client needs sometimes to be led by us because if a client was coming into every session knowing, OK, I want to talk about this, I’ve been thinking about this like that’s. Great. And we do have. Some clients who are super invested and maybe you’ve been doing therapy for a long time, so this isn’t like their first rodeo. But we also have a lot of clients who are coming to us because they’re like, I don’t know how to do this.

So maybe when they say, yeah, things have been good, nothing’s happening, nothing crazy to report on, blah, that’s just their own homeostasis. That doesn’t mean that clinically or emotional health wise things are actually good. It’s just nothing’s horrible. I would say that the clients who come in week after week with I want to talk about this, I want to talk about this. That is likely a pattern of their over functioning that they are actually avoiding the things that they really need to talk about.

Often when my clients come in after I have attunement built with them, I’ve been seeing them for weeks or months and they come in and they go, I don’t really have a lot to talk about. Today I almost canceled. Those are most often my best sessions because they are not over functioning and I get the privilege to say. Just like you’re saying, Kaitlyn. Well, I’ve noticed that there’s this trends coming up where whenever you mention your spouse in this particular setting, again, I’m noticing this is bringing this up with you. Like what is this bringing up for you? And they’re very rarely gonna go fine.

And that’s actually going to be the right answer, right? Or that’s actually going to be real. If we are noticing something, it is our job and our duty as therapist to bring it forward to the client. Most often, almost always, clients are experiencing something and they’re coming to us for help because they can’t do it themselves. Or again, most often, there’s a blind spot that they aren’t able to see, process or understand. And it’s our duty as therapist to point out the blind spot to them.

It’s going to be uncomfortable that is safe discomfort for them as long as again, we are maintaining that authentic attunement with them within that process. And you’re only going to be able to understand, highlight, or point out those patterns for them if you are authentically attuned to them.

Staying Present and Attuned During Difficult Work

Yes, absolutely. And I want to also this was bringing up something else I had talked about with the supervision group, which is that I was calling on my own most recent couples therapy experience with our amazing couples therapist, her name is Janet Steiner in New York if. Anybody is ever interested? She is amazing, but one of the things I really valued about her, my amazing couples therapist, you know, it was, it was kind of threw me for a little bit of a loop, but it was so helpful for me because we would come into those sessions and she wouldn’t do small talk.

She wouldn’t be like, Kaitlyn, how are you doing today? Like she didn’t care. She was like, OK, like literally as soon as we joined, she’d say like, hi, I’m good to see you guys. And then she would go. So last week we talked about this and this is where we ended and love. And she just started and she never asked us. She usually did not ask us. Where do you want to start? More times where she did because it was appropriate? Whatever, but more. Often than not, she came. In and she’s like, we’re here and we’re going here we’re starting here and then we’re going to go this way.

And it wasn’t that she was taking control and like not talking about what we wanted to talk about. It was that she was there saying we’re going to work. We were getting to some really good places and we’re going to keep going to some really good places. And it was so it was jarring for me because I’m the kind of therapist that I’m like, how are you guys doing? What are you coming in with? Right, Which I think is totally fine and appropriate, but it also helps me to understand like, no, it’s OK for your therapist to show up and be like, yeah, I’m ready to run this marathon.

Let’s go right like it’s OK to do that and again when we. Talk. About how uncomfortable it is for us to see our clients be uncomfortable because of the therapeutic work we are trying to do with them. We have to remember we. Are here to do a job and we are here with these clients to do a really good job. And that doesn’t mean we’re perfect, but we are here, we are showing up, and we are not going to sit here and be like, OK, well, let’s, you know, make this sunshine, rainbows and butterflies when really it needs to be a little stormy for a second.

That’s what came up for me when you were talking about your own therapy experience was for your therapist to jump right in. First of all, she’s maximizing time because couples usually need longer time. But it’s also she didn’t she to me that’s she did two things. That’s one, she didn’t give you both a chance to armor up. Yes, she came in. Let’s dive in. Let’s do it. And by saying it like that too, she’s let’s work. She’s joining with you. She’s right in that muck with you.

So even though she recognizes she’s making you both uncomfortable in this experience, she’s still attuned to you because she’s also right there in it. She’s saying this is still a safe space for us to go together. Yes, yeah. And so I want share that because I want our listeners to really find ways to practice increasing that feeling of empowerment, to be bold, to be relentless in your pursuit of growth for your client to be willing to know, hey, I’m going to try, I’m going to explore what it looks like to sit to like make my client uncomfortable the other. Thing I want to remind. You, the listeners of, is that

Practicing Authenticity and Co-Regulation

there are going to be times where you push them a little too far because you’re learning. You’re trying to figure out where this is. You’re building your attunement with them all the time. It never ends. Right, you’re always. Doing that, and sometimes you might encourage them to do something or talk something or say something or whatever and then you realize like that probably was a little too far, but you can repair that. You can trust that you are not going to harm your client because you’re going to. See those signs? Right. I’ve heard stories.

I can’t remember who shared this story, but somebody, some trainer somewhere shared the story about the clinician. The client was like literally sobbing and the clinician just kept going and going and going. Like most of us are. Not going to do that. Most of us are going to recognize like Nick client is not able to hear me right now. I need to go back into Co regulation. I need to you know, de escalate connect again.

But we, I’m excited because I think this is kind of teasing some of what we’re going to talk about next week, which is how do you repair when you’ve had a little bit of a rupture or a fracture in the relationship with the client? Whether it’s because you maybe over disclosed something or you know, shared something that you did that you realized later, like we talked about that you didn’t mean to. Or maybe it is that you did push your client a little too hard and maybe they did get pushed out of their window of tolerance. And how do you repair that? Because The thing is that doesn’t always mean it’s the end.

It’s so important to keep in mind your client’s experience, right? That’s why we’re here. It’s so important that we focus on the client’s experience, and the client’s experience is supposed to have elements of discomfort within the therapy practice. When you are feeling uncomfortable, make sure that you remind yourself again, everything you do, everything that you say or you reflect needs to be grounded in the question, does this help or injure my client? Is this helpful for them? Is it hurtful for them? Is it improving the therapy process for them?

And if the answer is yes, this really, I believe that this would really help them. Maybe it’s a little bit of exposure therapy, right? Maybe it’s a little bit of your challenging new clients thoughts. Maybe it’s yeah, they come in and they say everything’s fine and you go, OK, well, we were talking about this thing for a while. I think we should check in on this. Are you willing to go there with me? They have to feel uncomfortable in order to have growth. And if you are feeling some discomfort in that’s OK because that might be coming from your attunement with your clients.

And you also have to model being able to be there with them within that discomfort to create that healthy space for where they trust you. If they see that you might also be a little uncomfortable talking about this, you can say to them, hey, I know this might feel a little bit uncomfortable here. I’m wondering if you trust me enough to walk through this with me. I’m wondering if you feel grounded enough today that we can talk about this. And if not, maybe we figure out how to ground yourself so that you feel comfortable next time and that we can continue to walk through it together. Yeah.

And another thing that I find is very helpful for clients is I tell them like, this is really important. This is a huge part of what’s going on. I know that I’m really honing us in here. I know that I’m really keeping you in the hot seat. I say about a lot with my clients like, no, you’re really on this, but I’m doing this for a. Reason, and that reason is. Because this part is really important to what we are doing.

Reflecting on the Therapist’s Role in Discomfort

Here, I love that and I give them permission to say no. Yes. Even if I right, even if I think that they really need this, if they say no, that is OK. That actually reminds me of the trainer that I did my certification trainings with. She shared her rule of three that she will try three times with different angles. If she’s like we, I know we need to go through this door, I know we need to get to this next place.

She’ll try three times and if the client blocks her in some way, shape or form 3 times, then she usually get gives that mission up and she goes down a different road or maybe she might call attention to it or whatever. But she, that’s her thing is I’m going to try to get in there three times. And if the client blocks me three times and this blocking, when I say that, I’m saying like they’re not answering the question or they’re, you know, changing the subject, not a client saying no, do not ask. Like if a client’s clearly saying that’s a different thing. But.

This is where like, you know, if you’re noticing like, oh, they’re, they really don’t want to go here. They’re like being a little like resistant to this. She tries three times and then she goes somewhere else. It feels naturally uncomfortable for us as humans, as therapists to see others in discomfort and to know that we may be creating some of that discomfort is also incredibly uncomfortable for us. And it feels like it goes against our instincts as therapists because we want to help people. Making your clients confront or explore or walk through their comfort is part of your job as a therapist.

And so when you are noticing that discomfort, take that time to reflect. Think about your relationship with the client. Am I attuned to them? Is this their discomfort that I’m picking up? Am I taking responsibility for their discomfort? When the situation is uncomfortable, but talking about it is a necessary part of healing. You know, what is my role within this discomfort? And continuing to gauge, is this a healthy approach to this discomfort or is this unhealthy, right? Think about it as if you have ever experienced something where your body was in a lot of pain and you needed to have a procedure done.

And then usually those procedures, there’s pain involved afterwards. The pain is different, right? The pain in the beginning is injury or illness, Then you have a procedure, let’s say surgery, and then afterwards they’re still pain that’s recovering. The pain that your client is experienced needs to be recovery pain that you may be creating for them. You’re not creating a wound, you’re not opening a wound, but you’re helping to clear out maybe the scars so that they can then do the healing themselves. And that still hurts, that still sucks, but it’s healing and you know where it’s coming from.

And so you need to be grounded and again, your own authenticity as a human being to be able to have that connection with them and trust your relationship and trust yourself as a therapist, that person of the therapist. What is really important to me within the work that I do with my clients where I can help a client wade through this discomfort and heal through it and I can still be connected with them and here for them along the way. Well, next week we are going to jump into again, like Kaitlyn teased, how to repair possible ruptures that you might have experienced with your client.

That those ruptures can be through a, you know, due to a plethora of different reasons.

Closing Thoughts and Podcast Disclaimer

In this case, it is maybe you did push your client too far into that unhealthy discomfort. Luckily, they’re still engaging in therapy. How do you move forward and navigate the relationship with your client from there? I’m really excited about that next week because I think that comes up a lot in supervision. It sure does. Thanks everyone. We’ll see you next. Week bye. We hope today’s conversation allowed you to reflect and gain new ideas for becoming an authentic therapist. We would love to hear how this podcast is impacting you.

To learn more about us, visit keystonetherapygroup.com, where you can find information about our services for clients as well as our supervision program. Remember to subscribe for new episodes and please rate us five stars. This helps us reach new therapists like you who are learning to step into their authenticity. We’ll see you next time. This podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace clinical supervision, therapy, or legal advice. Listening does not create a professional or supervisory relationship.

Clinical work is nuanced and context specific, and clinicians are responsible for practicing within their scope and licensure requirements. If you need supervision or guidance, please seek an appropriately licensed supervisor who can meet your specific needs.


Disclaimer: The Unmasked Therapist Podcast is intended for educational and professional development purposes. Content does not replace individualized clinical supervision, consultation, or applicable professional and ethical requirements.

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